Dark desires
by DarkPheonix 666
Summary: Yuki runs away from home upon realizing his sexuality; and the pressures of everyday life building upon him. Haru goes looking for the silver haired Sohma but is surprised by what he finds. Will Haru be able to tell Yuki how he feels for him? Or will he lose him to another guy? YAOI, (Lemon/smut later) YukixHaru, KakeruxYuki
1. Chapter 1

Tohru rushed around the house anxiously looking for Yuki; he had gone out earlier after coming home looking depressed. He had been unresponsive and barely eaten a thing; it was starting to rain outside too. Hopefully he wouldn't get far on such low energy and an unclear head; but being the rat he was intuitive so that would become a problem if he didn't want to be found.

"Yuki? Yuki where are you?" Tohru cried out worriedly. She knew Yuki tended to hide his feelings from others; and she was worried that something bad had happened. What if he had been peer pressured into something; after all there were times Yuki had a hard time saying no due to his quiet nature. It was one of his traits he hated more than anything.

Shigure appeared from his office quietly looking concerned; it was rare Tohru was this upset. Yes she was naturally nervous and jumpy but not like this; she was shaking and looked very worried. Hell she looked like she might start crying at any moment; and it was rare Tohru ever cried at all even when she was sad.

"Tohru whatever is the matter?" he asked curiously concern obvious in his tone. He hadn't seen her this upset since the event of seeing Kyo's true form. He hoped that those fan girls and other students hadn't been picking on her. While Tohru had some close friends there were students that enjoyed mocking her which was very cruel.

"Shigure its Yuki; he went out 2 hours ago and he hasn't come home since. I know he tends to like being alone but he isn't the type to leave without saying anything" Tohru cried anxiously.

It wasn't exactly cold out as it was early summer but going out in the rain wasn't good for anyone. You could still get a summer cold from wet clothes in the rain; that and Yuki tended to push himself due to exhaustion.

Shigure's expression became concerned; he had noticed Yuki had been troubled by something the past 2 weeks. When he approached Yuki he seemed defensive and even seemed to lash out at nothing when he was alone. A while back he had punched the wall and caused his hand to bleed slightly.

"I'll call Haru; he's the only one who can find Yuki anywhere. That and he's the only one crazy enough to go out in the rain" Shigure said solemnly going to find the phone.

Tohru's expression became more relieved; she knew Yuki meant more than anything to Haru. If Yuki was ever in trouble he would rush to his side faster than a bee to honey; after all he did love him. She did at times get jealous of the Yuki and Kyo for the fact that they had someone like Haru and Kagura that were so dedicated and loyal with their affections for them.

Shigure went to the phone and began dialling a number; he waited a few minutes as the phone rang quietly. He could see Tohru dithering in the background; while he thought it cute he could understand her worry.

Tohru was like a mother to Yuki; she treated him well and cared for his well being. She treated him better than his own mother ever had. She brought light and love into his life and tried to repair the damage done to his heart.

" _Hello?"_ Hatori's voice said in an annoyed tone. Shigure frequently called him next to Ayame; so he never sounded happy to hear them.

Shigure smiled vaguely; he needed to feign happiness but in truth he was very worried about Yuki. "Hey Hari; I was wondering is Haru there?" he asked curiously.

The line went quiet for a minute until Hatori said _"He's just out of the bath; I'll go get him"._ There was the sound of Hatori briefly putting the phone down and leaving; not long after there was the sound of someone walking towards the phone and it was picked up again.

" _Hey Shigure; what can I do for you? Usually you want to banter with Hatori Ouji-san"_ Hatsuharu said questionably.

Shigure hesitated then sighed heavily; he knew Haru would panic so he would have to be easy with explanation. He took a deep breath slowly "Haru its Yuki..." he trailed off quietly.

Haru's breath hitched but he stayed calm _"What about him? Is Kyo pissing him off again?"_ he asked casually. Nobody in the Sohma house was naive to the fights or arguments that Kyo and Yuki got into; However most were grateful that they had started getting along better since Tohru had come into their lives.

"He...He's missing. He went out about 2 hours ago according to Tohru and hasn't come back since. We were hoping you could go and find him; seeing as you're the only Sohma crazy enough to go out when the weather acts up" Shigure explained calmly.

The rain had gotten heavier now since it's starting earlier; it was not windy but very, very wet. There would definitely be some flooding or landslides somewhere; which worried him because he had no idea where Yuki would be. He had no coat nor had he eaten anything; if he didn't catch a summer cold he could pass out from lack of blood sugar. Either way Yuki getting sick wasn't a good thing; considering he already had weak bronchial tubes.

The line went quiet and Shigure already knew Haru would be panicking. Of all the Sohma's Haru was close to; Yuki was his dearest. He loved him more than anyone and would do anything for him; knowing he was in probable danger would send him ape shit.

" _YUKI IS MISSING?! WHY HAVEN'T YOU CALLED THE POLICE?"_ Haru raged angrily down the phone. He knew Shigure could be a clueless and sometimes he was a down right asshole; but he was not by any means an idiot. In fact the dog was more manipulative and intelligent than he let on; he just liked to play the fool.

Shigure held the receiver far from his ear as the young ox belted his rage down the phone. This was what he was afraid of; Haru turning black. He could already tell he had from the tone in his voice; he was just glad he wasn't here now. He hadn't called the police because the committed number of hours had to be over that limit. He would have called had it been more than that; but since it wasn't he hadn't done so.

"I can't Haru; Yuki hasn't been gone the limited amount of hours needed to. I know you're worried but try to act rashly. I need you to go looking for Yuki before something happens to him" Shigure asked sternly his tone non argumentative.

Haru sighed heavily into the phone; concern obvious in his tone. He was panicking about Yuki's safety; after all he was in love with the guy. " _It's fine Shigure; I'll go look for him now. I won't come home till I find him; so just keep Akito at bay should he ask questions"_ Haru said sharply.

Should Akito learn Yuki had run away he would go look for him; hell he might just seek him out and taunt him. Teach him how no matter what he did he was a prisoner of the curse _forever._ There wasn't a single person in the Sohma family who didn't either hate or fear Akito; some even did both.

Shigure smiled "You got it" he said kindly and hung up. He breathed a sigh of relief after the phone call was over; with Haru on the case Yuki would be found in no time.

He turned to the brunette who was still very worried. She had been dithering but hadn't wanted to listen out of politeness "Haru is going to look for Yuki; after that he will bring him back here. Until then all we can do is wait" he said gently.

Tohru looked relieved and tears welled up in her eyes "Thank goodness; Haru is really good at finding people. After all he found Kisa when she ran away didn't he?" she said hopefully. When Kisa ran away Haru had looked all morning for her and eventually found her transformed. After some coaxing she had come to him but still been hesitating; however it took her a while to get her confidence back.

Yuki was very self conscious, easily nervous and quiet. He dealt with a lot of self doubt and depression after his years with Akito. His ability to trust others was weak and he didn't like people touching him to this day. His heart was damaged and he also suffered trust issues. He got on well with a number of Zodiac members but few were dear to his heart. Haru, Shigure, Momiji and Hatori being the three main people he cared for the most.

Shigure smiled kindly; he found it very beautiful how much Tohru cared about others. She would truly make someone a fine wife and mother one day. She had endless love and care to give to people; while also sharing her own demons.

"Till then how about we make some tea and relax. I don't know when Yuki will be found so we might as well pass the time" Shigure soothed.

Tohru nodded quietly and followed suit; she was glad to have Shigure around or she would be in a worse state. He really was like a father to her and she appreciated him so much. "Yuki; please be safe" she thought to herself.


	2. C2: Behind the mask

**NEW CHAPTER!**

 **I will warn you now; get a stuffed toy or pillow because the feels train has set off**

 **Things will get very emotional and you will be aching with feels for poor Yuki :(**

 **Please review, favourite and follow**

 **DarkPheonix666**

The wind was blowing hard and rain was falling hard like small rocks upon everything. There was no doubt some damage would be done in this weather. If not a few landslides left from the carnage. One thing was for sure; some repair people would be coming to sort out the surrounding area once the storm was over.

Haru was wondering through the woods wrapped up in his white coat tightly. Luckily he was dry underneath but the wind was hard to push through. He had brought a flashlight just in case.

"YUKI?!... YUKI?!" He called loudly his voice getting carried away by the wind. He needed to find Yuki and fast; if he wasn't already hurt badly this weather was not good for his asthma. The idea of Yuki getting sick while out here alone made him even more determined to find him.

He was still confused and worried about what had caused Yuki to run away in the first place. Shigure had given no specific nature as to what had been bothering Yuki; but Haru already knew that it would not be something good.

If Akito learned he had run away; she would go after him and try to taunt him. Tell him how he was never going to be able to escape her. How it was his fate to stay beside her forever her pet. She did love to see Yuki in pain; whether it was emotional or physical.

"YUUUUKI?!" He yelled as loud as his voice would manage. Where the hell had he gone?! Where the hell was he hiding?

Suddenly he heard some scrabbling; he turned on his flashlight and found a rat. His heart raced and he moved closer only to find it wasn't Yuki. His heart dropped; he had thought for a minute that Yuki had simply been too stressed out and transformed. However this was simply an ordinary rat; not Yuki's cursed form.

He swallowed nervously and knelt down to which the rat looked up at him "Can you take me to Yuki?" he asked hopefully. All rats would gather to Yuki because of his curse; the same went for every other zodiac member. However depending on the animal of that said curse; it could be harmless or very dangerous.

The rat stared at him for a while then began to scamper ahead. Without hesitation Haru followed it quickly. Even if it was just a small chance; he would do anything to find Yuki.

Rain dripped down his hair and his face; he knew for a fact when he eventually found Yuki he would be freezing. However it would be worth it to know Yuki was safe. As he wondered deeper into the woods he pushed branches out of his way, snapped twigs, crunched stones and covered himself from flying debris picked up in the wind.

Eventually the rat lead him to a clearing; the tree's all stopped and from what he could tell they were on levelled ground. Below would be a large drop which would lead to more forest but would be impossible to climb back up. To his relief and joy there was his beloved Yuki. He was soaked to the bone and filthy; but still Yuki. He had never been so happy to see the young rat in his life.

"YUKI!" Haru cried out again relief and anger mixed in with his tone. He had no idea how worried he had made everyone. He had a feeling that Tohru would cry all over again when they showed up; and Hatori would scold him if he got sick due to his recklessness.

Yuki turned to face Haru quietly; his face was streaked with tears and he looked so empty. He had been crying for a while as his eyes were red and poufy with signs of crying.

Haru was stunned; Yuki _never_ cried. He usually suffered in silence but here he was crying his heart out. Something awful must have happened to make the rat break down and sob like this.

He was by Yuki's side in a heartbeat; he knelt down beside him and placed his hands on his shoulders. "Yuki...what happened to you. Why are you out here all by yourself?" Haru questioned anxiously.

"Haru...I can't...I can't do it anymore" Yuki whispered quietly his voice cracking. All these years he had been hiding it; repressing it. He'd been lying to everyone about how he felt and the main reason he rejected girls.

While he did reject them and stop them from trying to hug him; to prevent his curse from being revealed that wasn't the main reason for it. He'd kept the real secret to himself as to prevent rumors and rejection from his peers.

Haru's expression softened and he put his arm around the young rat; he always acted so strong and distant. You would never begin to understand or realize the storm that raged inside of him.

"Yuki...it's ok. I'm here now" he cooed softly. He would stay here forever if he had to; until Yuki felt safe again he would stay right here beside him. Haru knew all too well what problems were causing Yuki so much grief; he had learned a long time ago just how tragic a life Yuki had lived.

As a child his mother had sold him to Akito as he was the rat of the Zodiac. She cared little for her son and more about public image. She used his curse to get what she wanted and move up in the ranks. Even now as a teen she treated him coldly and shot insults at him whenever possible; she truly was a stone cold bitch.

Akito abused him physically, mentally and emotionally. Making him feel inferior, unwanted and fear him. He lost all hope of ever making friends and became unable to ever get close to anyone.

He feared that if someone truly did get close to him they would hate him. They would be repelled by his curse and call him weird. He wasn't as polite as he let on; in fact he dealt with a lot of self hate and anger.

He hated how everyone thought he must have a great life and be from a great family. In truth he hated his family (at least his biological one). His mother was someone he couldn't stand and his brother had abandoned him when he needed him most.

He was constantly attacked by girls who were throwing themselves at him without giving him any warning. They would idolize him like a god for fake and stupid reasons; when it point of fact Yuki was none of the things they made him out to be.

He was very close to Tohru; but only because he saw her a mother figure. She brought love, support and kindness into his life. She gave him all the things and emotions he had been neglected of as a child.

Yuki leaned against Haru gently causing the ox to blush a little but also become confused. The truth was Yuki was glad he was here; because he was one of the few he could truly open up to. He allowed his body to rest against Haru's chest; even though he was soaked he was still really soft. He was comforting; his safe place. The one place that he truly felt like nothing could hurt him.

Haru hesitated then wrapped his arms around Yuki; he could tell he needed comfort right now. And he was more than happy to oblige; if it brought Yuki some relief from his inner turmoil. "Yuki...everyone is so worried about you. You have to come home" Haru explained gently.

Tohru was probably in fits even with Shigure's comforting. She truly cared about his well being and wouldn't sleep a wink till he was back home. She was terrible at dealing with stress; and given her loss over the years it was more than understandable.

Shigure was like an older brother or father figure to Yuki. He cared for the young rat and helped him make his way. Granted he acted like an idiot sometimes but he showed affection in odd ways. Even if he was the biggest pervert known to humanity; he was still a good parental figure when needed be.

Even Kyo is rival was worried about him; though he would deny it should someone ever bring it up. He had been soothing Tohru's worries but he himself was worried about the rat.

"There's no way...to go back...I can't..." Yuki muttered quietly into Haru's chest. To go back he would have to face Akito or continue lying. He didn't want to do that anymore; he we didn't want to hide the truth anymore. He couldn't keep wearing a mask and saying that the reason he avoided girls was _only_ because of his curse.

He would never be able to tell the truth about what was hurting him. He knew what would happen if he told anyone; he could already picture the scenario in his mind.

Ayame would go into an overblown fit and act crazy; most likely call everyone he knew until Akito found out. Then the already huge gap between them would become a chasm of hatred.

Akito wound taunt him and then beat him; but then most likely try to find out who he liked. Then do nothing but hurt and torture that person; who wouldn't know how he felt thus causing deep scars and trauma.

Haru gripped tightly; he felt if he left him go Yuki would shatter like glass beneath him. He had never seen Yuki so deeply hurt before. This was the weakest he had ever seen Yuki; so lost and confused inside that he had broken. He was so affected by his buried emotions that he had exploded into an emotional wreck.

"Yuki...you don't have to hide it anymore. I'm here for you; tell me everything" Haru said softly. It didn't matter how long it would take; or how much Yuki would cry. He would be here for him.

Yuki stiffened in his arms then went quiet; after a few minutes he began shaking in Haru's arms. Then he heard the sobs erupt; quiet and first then they grew louder and louder.

"WHY?! WHY IS IT SO HARD?!" Yuki sobbed angrily. Why was he forced to suffer like this? Why did he feel so alone inside? Why was he unable to be freed of the curse?

He was so tired of never being able to get close to anyone; he was sick of his mother's cruelty. He was angry at Ayame for never acting like a brother and then 7 years later trying to patch things up. Some family! Why weren't they there for him when he needed them most?!

He was sick of all the fan girls who would kiss his ass even though they knew nothing about him. He was sick of people calling him a prince when he was far from one. They barely knew anything about him and simply acted on assumptions of what they saw of him at school.

He was sick of being scared of Akito and never being able to stand up to him. He was sick of the abuse he inflicted upon him and he was sick of him trying to control his life. He wasn't some pet or doll for his amusement; he was a thinking, feeling, breathing human being.

He was always alone no matter who was there for him; very few of the Zodiac members truly understood him. The only ones who truly did were Hatori, Shigure and Hatori. Because they were of the rare few; who saw under the mask that Yuki wore to fool others.

Haru held the rat close to him; after all these years of burying his sadness and pain Yuki had snapped. He had known it would happen someday but he never guessed it would be so explosive. He had never thought the raw emotion in Yuki would be so powerful. Any other person never would have guessed Yuki could act in such a way.

" _Yuki...I'm sorry it took me so long to see under your mask"_ Haru whispered quietly as he held the sobbing teen.

The rain poured down wildly drenching them both and the wind whistled loudly in their ears. But neither of them cared; they were too busy holding each other. Easing their emotional storms that had been eating away at them for years.


	3. C3: Opening up

**Here you go guys; Chapter 3**

 **It took me a while but I finally finished it *cries tears of relief***

 **I hope you like and please review**

 **PM me with ideas if you have any**

 **DarkPheonix666**

Haru carried the young rat on his back quietly as he made his way warily down the path. He was amazed that Yuki had even made it as far as he did without transforming. He had expected on his journey to find Yuki curled up and battered somewhere in his rat form. However if he had it would have been much harder to find him; given how small his cursed form was.

The rain had finally stopped but the latter was soaked to the bone. After all this he would be off school for some time with a fever. But at least he could have a talk with Shigure and the others about his sexuality. After all the stress he had been under; missing school would do him some good both mentally and emotionally.

Water dripped down Haru's neck from Yuki's hair. It was cold but nothing he couldn't handle. Hell he was one to go out in ridiculous weather no matter what the cost. When Kisa ran away from home after being bullied; he had wondered every street in the pouring rain to find her. It had taken some coaxing but she eventually ran into his arms and allowed him to hug her.

"I hope Tohru isn't too worried" Haru thought to himself. He knew how much she cared for Yuki which he found admirable. As a person she showed more love, care and affection to Yuki than anyone had in his entire life. Next to him she was probably one of the people who loved Yuki the most.

Suddenly he heard Yuki moan quietly into his neck. After crying his eyes out Yuki had passed out in his arms. He was now carrying him back to Shigure's so she could rest. He would call Hatori later to check up on Yuki's health; especially his bronchial tubes after being in the cold for so long.

"Yuki? You awake?" Haru asked gently not wanting to wake him if he was still dreaming. Not many people knew about it but Yuki was a deep sleeper. When he reached unconsciousness there was very little that could wake Yuki.

He heard a few sniffs and mumbles from the silver haired boy on his back. Eventually his violet eyes opened sleepily and he looked around himself. "Where...what...?" Yuki questioned wearily. The last thing he remembered was running away, crying and Haru finding him.

He could just about sense the feeling of being carried and was aware they were moving. But he didn't recall how he had come to be in this state. After his emotional melt down everything had gone black.

Haru smiled gently "You passed out after crying. Given how you've barely eaten anything for the last couple of hours your body gave in. I'm glad I found you when I did" he explained.

If Yuki had passed out after crying he would have transformed. Hell he was surprised he still hadn't after all he had put his body through. It just showed how resilient Yuki was not only as a person; but in body too.

Yuki went quiet thinking all this over in his head. He felt bad for making people worry about him; but he just couldn't take it anymore. He hated people seeing him at his weakest; unless it was Haru, Hatori or Shigure. He preferred to hide it and cry in secret.

All this time he had been lying to himself and others about his sexuality. But now he had snapped and didn't want to hide anymore. He was tired of putting up an act to hide how he really felt inside.

He couldn't feel anything sexual or romantic for someone of the opposite gender. He could never bring himself to love a woman in that way. He liked guys...and it was as simple as that.

His cheeks flushed red and he hid his face in Haru's back "Sorry for causing your all this trouble" he mumbled into his back. His voice came out muffled through Haru's coat; so he wasn't even sure the young ox heard him.

Haru chuckled fondly "Same old Yuki; you may act cold and distant. But truly you're a big softie on the inside" he teased. He put up a cold front but was truly a sweet person deep down.

But he loved that about Yuki; how even though he was complex he was still a good natured human being. Next to Tohru, Kisa and Ritsu; there weren't many people who were as pure and kind as he was.

Yuki mumbled crossly but his words were unreadable. But Haru just left it at that; Yuki was safe and had calmed down. That was good enough for him; but he did hope that Yuki would explain to the others when he got home.

He peered up at the night sky quietly as he made his way back to Shigure's. The sky was ink blue and dotted with white stars. Dark clouds rolled over the sky quietly after the heavy rain; it would be quiet for the rest of the night.

 _ **Back at Shigure's**_

"Yuki you're safe!" Tohru cried out happily relief heavy in her tone. Her blue eyes filled with love and relief. She had been so worried about Yuki that she couldn't sleep. Knowing that he was safely home and unharmed brought her so much joy. She could now sleep easily knowing he was home and surrounded by the people he loved and who loved him.

Haru smiled warmly "He's fallen asleep again. Could you make him something to eat? His stomach was quite noisy on the way here" he asked kindly.

Considering Yuki hadn't eaten in 4 hours he had endured quite well. Then again when they trained with their Sensei; training the stomach was something they worked on. To overcome great hunger and persevere.

"Sure! I left some leftovers in the kitchen" Tohru chirped kindly. She was really glad to know he hadn't transformed or gotten hurt. She just hoped that he would tell them what had happened when he was ready.

Haru smiled warmly but slowly slid the young rat off his back and into his arms. He was really pale and cold; but a hot bath and food would soon fix that. He brushed some of his bangs out of his face gently; his skin was so cold.

Shigure appeared in the doorway smiling warmly "Thanks for this Haru. She really was worried. Even Kyo was a bit restless" he explained gratefully. Though he didn't show it; Kyo did care for Yuki a little in some way even if he never admitted it.

Haru nodded but looked concerned "Shigure..." he started hesitantly. Yuki didn't have to tell everyone just yet; he could do that when he was ready to. But Shigure, Tohru and Kyo should at least be the first ones to know.

Shigure blinked curiously "Hmm?..." he questioned cheerfully. Yuki was back so most of the damage was over; but had something else happened?

Haru clicked his teeth then looked up at Shigure with a complex expression "Yuki has something to say. But I think it can wait until he's had a bath and eaten. Just know that its caused him a lot of grief and he'll need your support now more than ever" he explained sternly.

Admitting you were attracted to the same gender was never easy. You went through so many complex emotions before you finally accepted it about yourself. After that the scariest thing was telling those you loved the truth. The fear of them rejecting or hating you was the worst; or even being disowned and thrown out. But most times people accepted and loved you for who you were.

Shigure sighed fondly. He knew Yuki had been hiding something for a while; but being an adult he didn't press the matter. He knew Yuki would tell them when he was ready and he left it be. It seemed Yuki had finally found himself and was ready to speak about what was bothering him.

"I see; I'll have Kyo join us for it. For now why don't you give Yuki a bath and change his clothes. Being half asleep he won't be able to do it himself" Shigure asked firmly his tone caring.

Haru nodded and carried the young rat to the bathroom. He called to Tohru in the kitchen about spare clothes for disappearing into the bathroom and closing the door.

Shigure leaned against the wall and hummed gently "So Yuki has finally admitted it. It was only a matter of time before he snapped under the pressure" he chuckled ironically.

Of all the Sohma's who had dealt with the most emotional pain; Yuki came first in the line. Followed by Rin, Ritsu, Hatori and Momiji; it was a sickening relationship they all shared but respected.

Somehow they understood what it was like to suffer at the hands of someone else. To feel so alone and cursed wanting it all to end; yet manage to find strength in themselves and others to find their way.

But he wondered what had been so bad, so painful and so difficult for Yuki after all he had been through; to want to run away. "What are you hiding Yuki?" he muttered quietly under his breath.


	4. C4: The conflicts of honesty

**OOOOO! Precious Yuki comes out to everyone and the FEELS are evident**

 **Fluff and feels chapter so be prepared to cry in this one. I vamped up the emotions with this one**

 **However there are the conflicts of his relationship with Haru now; given how Kakeru comes into the mix**

 **Hope you like and please review**

 **Darkpheonix666**

Yuki sat quietly at the table now content after filling his stomach with Tohru's cooking. He felt a bit better having something in his belly after going so long without eating. He was mentally questioning himself how he hadn't passed out and transformed earlier on; even he didn't understand it pretty well.

He never thought his body would be able to endure such a thing but then he was learning something knew about the curse every day. He was either incredibly lucky or his body had become more tolerable over time. Either way he was relieved that he hadn't turned into a rat otherwise that would have made the others worry even more.

He had also had a bath with the help of Haru after he was brought home. He had insisted he hadn't looked at Yuki and only made sure he was warmed up a little. Yuki had been freezing cold and out in the rain for a long time; the last thing he wanted was for him to get sick.

He even had Shigure dress him so he didn't look like a pervert. When he woke up Haru had been dithering in the doorway with Kyo while Shigure and Tohru were by his bedside. He had been pretty surprised to see Kyo worried about him; given their tense relationship between each other.

He was now wearing a simple white shirt and a pair of blue jeans. He was very comfy and warm now; feeling content with his current state. However there was still something eating away at the back of his mind. Something he needed to say and had wanted to for a long time now; he just hadn't been able to find the words to say them until now.

"Do you want another helping?" Tohru asked worriedly. He had already had 2 helpings but she didn't want him to pass out. He had been very weak and pale when he had entered the house on Haru's back. She had actually worried at first that he could be dead before Haru had said anything.

The food would help bring his strength back and Shigure had called the school to let them know Yuki would be off for a while. The last thing they needed after all this was Yuki pushing himself further. The time off would do him good and no doubt Haru would skip too just to keep an eye on him; he was predictable like that.

Yuki smiled weakly "I'm afraid if I eat anymore I'll burst" he joked kindly. He was truly full and starting to feel a little better. However he was still feeling a little guilty at making them all worry so much about him. He had never intended to hurt anyone with his actions; he had just needed the head space more than anything.

He knew that out of all of them Haru and Tohru would worry the most. Tohru would worry herself sick and probably cry about it too; as shown when she saw him after he woke up. Haru had been close to breaking when he found him and then become very fragile when they returned home; just by looking at him he could tell Haru was barely keeping it together.

Tohru smiled and then took away his dishes. She was glad to know Yuki had eaten; it helped settle her nerves a little. It would help in on the road to recovery after being out for so long in the cold and rain. She had practically rushed into the bathroom like a madwoman to make sure the bathwater was hot enough and would warm him faster.

However she would make sure to give him extra blankets tonight and have Haru stay in his room for the night. She didn't want him to be left alone after all that had taken place. Yes it seemed a bit drastic but given Yuki's bronchial tubes she had a right mind to be worried about his health and well being.

Shigure smiled kindly "So Yuki; are you ready to tell us what's on your mind?" Shigure said kindly. He already knew what was wrong and why he had felt so conflicted. God knows how Akito would react to all this; but no matter what he would keep Yuki safe.

He had a feeling Akito would torment him about this or beat him; however he would not allow such a thing. Homosexuality was not something a person had to be abused or shunned for; it was just as acceptable and normal as breathing or sleeping.

However, no matter what he would support Yuki and protect him from Akito's wrath. However, he was interested to see how his female fans would react knowing he had no interest in women. It was funny how girls nowadays fell in love with someone without knowing anything about them; how life had changed since he was a kid.

Yuki had picked up many admirers whom some Shigure was actually quite scared of. They were literally animals and even willing to physically hurt or bully other female admirers who would try and get close to Yuki. Some of his classmates were too scared to even ask to take his test or for his help just because the other girls would glare at them hatefully.

Knowing that their beloved prince had no interest in women whatsoever made him smile. The fact that their world had been turned upside down by the fact that their prince was gay made him smile. Their poor naive, selfish and fantasy filled hearts broken by reality that would hurt more than breaking a nail by catching it in a drawer.

Yuki stiffened and he became hesitant. His mouth felt dry and he was really scared; but he couldn't lie about himself any more. He couldn't keep letting those girls at school keep confessing. Some of them were very nice and meant well; but he couldn't ever look at a girl in that way.

He did love Tohru dearly but not in a romantic way. She had become what he had lacked all his life; a motherly figure that he had been denied since he was a child. He could never love Tohru in that way but she was still important to him regardless. That was something that would never change.

He could never love a woman romantically or be attracted to them sexually. He could just not look at a woman in such a way; it wasn't who he was and that was the way it would stay. He liked men and he always would; he had liked men since he was young and he had hidden it so Akito wouldn't have another reason to abuse him or hurt him.

He took a deep breath "I…I'm…." he stammered nervously. He felt like the world was weighing on him and there was intense stared piercing into him like knives. His palms felt sweaty, his heart was racing like a jackhammer, he felt a little sick and his mouth felt dry as a desert.

He had never felt so scared in his entire life; even after all the abuse he had received under Akito he felt like he was going to shatter like glass. All of that felt like a dream compared to showing this raw, hidden side of himself to people close to him.

Tohru gave him a concerned look and approached to where he was sitting. She could see what he wanted to say was truly bothering him. She had never seen Yuki look so scared and frightened; not since his encounter with Akito at school. She had been so angry to see Yuki that scared that she had pushed Akito with all her might to get her to back off.

Keeping things to yourself only made it worse; it ate away at you and made you feel angry and resentful towards yourself. Yuki already had enough bombs in his heart; getting this off his chest may make him feel better. If anything Yuki deserved to feel happy about something given how much resentment he had about some things.

She sat beside Yuki quietly and took his hands; her green eyes gentle and sincere. She was his friend and would listen to whatever he had to say no matter what it was. If she didn't support him through all this she would be a pretty shitty person.

"Yuki; we're all here for you. No matter what's wrong or what's hurting you; we'll get through it together" Tohru said gently. She didn't know what had caused him so much pain but she would do her best to understand. Her mother had always taught her never to abandon someone when they needed you most. Now she would follow those words of wisdom and help Yuki through whatever he was going through.

Yuki felt his eyes sting and tears well up in his eyes. How was it that Tohru's words eased every doubt or problem in his mind as soon as it appeared; she truly had some form of magic. The magic of healing; perhaps she was a white witch from stories in disguise come to help the Sohma family from hell.

He bowed his head quietly shaking a little _"I'm gay"_ he said quietly under his breath. He had waited so long to say this. All these years he had kept the words sealed denying himself and his true identity since he was young. But he could no longer lie anymore; and Tohru had given him that strength.

He looked up at her and everyone else his face flushed red and his eyes spilling with tears. Saying it felt so good and he was so happy; like he had been relieved of any and all forms of emotional pain or burden. "I'M GAY TOHRU!" he sobbed loudly.

He may have sounded unhappy but he was truly happy right now and felt so much relief it hurt. A large weight that had been living inside him for so long had finally been lifted and it felt so good. How long he had wanted to say these words but never could; now he no longer held this regret and could be happy with something.

Tohru gasped at stared at him quietly. She had never seen Yuki so upset before but somehow she could tell he wasn't sad; just very happy and relieved. He had gotten something off his chest that had been hurting him for a long time.

She smiled and cupped her hands on his cheeks. She then leaned forwards and rested her head and rested her forehead on his own. "I knew you could do it" she said gently. He had found strength within himself to be honest and only wished that he could be happy as himself.

Shigure sat at the table as Yuki sobbed. He smiled warmly as he watched the young rat explode in an outburst of emotions. He had known for a long time that Yuki had no interest in women whatsoever. However, he had simply kept it to himself and waited for him to finally be honest with himself.

He smiled fondly and folded his arms "I guess everything worked out in the end" he said in a satisfied tone. It certainly took him a while but it was the same for everyone; they came out when they were ready. It was not something you could force or make someone do; it had to come naturally to that person when they felt confident to.

Yuki was finally being honest about himself which was something he had hoped for a long time. Given how shy and how much he kept to himself; this was a huge step for him as a person. He was finally gaining confidence by admitting something so personal and important about himself to his family and Tohru.

Haru simply sat there contently smiling at Yuki. However inside he was also screaming like a fangirl at the fact that Yuki could possibly return his love. Today was officially the happiest day of his entire life.

He had harboured feelings towards the young rat since they were 10 years old. Now 5 years later he still loved Yuki just as strongly and had never so much as looked at another guy. Now Yuki was actually admitting he did indeed like men. Meaning that he had a chance to convey his love and be with Yuki.

He was torn between pure shock and actual joy; he was so torn he didn't know whether to cry or ask Yuki to be his lover. He was just so confused as how to feel or how to act in front of him.

Shigure looked over at Haru and could guess what he was feeling. It seemed his love for Yuki had paid off; now he knew his feelings may be mutual. He placed a hand on his shoulder gently causing the young ox to look over at him in shock. He smiled warmly in a comforting manner to reassure the young teen.

"I think you should wait a while before confessing. Maybe visit his room later once he's calmed down. Then you can have some privacy" Shigure suggested warmly. Saying what needed to be said was not quite appropriate right now.

Haru nodded gratefully but was still pretty shaken up. While he did love Yuki dearly he was also scared that his love may not be returned. He truly loved Yuki with his entire being; but Yuki may not feel the same way about him and that scared him.

He had seen that Yuki had become quite close with his classmate Kakeru Manabe as of late. He called him "Yuki-kun" or "Princess" in form of affection and playfulness. He was always clinging to him and messing around; much like Kagura with Kyo.

While he had hated to admit it they looked good together and Yuki did get flustered and blush around him. Maybe he had fallen in love with Kakeru instead of him and that hurt him deeply. The fact that the guy he liked was being stolen by someone else under his nose made him angry inside; angry enough to go black.

He gripped his fists tightly and bowed his head. He really didn't want to lose Yuki and hoped to god that his feelings would be returned. The idea of losing him after he finally found out his sexuality would be too painful.

" _Yuki….Please don't look at anyone else"_ he begged mentally his voice pleading. He felt sick at the idea of losing Yuki to someone else after being given hope like this. It would just be too much to bear losing Yuki after being taunted with the hope of his love being returned. He just wouldn't be able to take it; he would snap.


	5. C5: Subtle love

**I'm back people! I'm still here! sorry for the long ass update**

 **I honestly had no idea of how I was going to do the next chapter after Yuki came out**

 **This chapter is shorter than the others and I am willing to take requests for anything you want to see in the future for this story**

 **Yuki is talking about Haru when he is hinting at who he loves but Haru thinks its his fellow council member Kakeru Manabe**

 **Fluff ensues**

 **Please review**

 **Darkpheonix666**

Yuki sat on the porch quietly staring at the moon with a gentle peacefulness about him. It had been a long and emotional day but he had finally been honest about his feelings.

After 16 years of hiding how he felt from the world, of obeying rules and hiding his inner torment he had finally poured his heart out and it felt so good. Being able to pour out his heart to the ones he loved without fear of being judged.

Tohru had simply held him close to her as he had sobbed in her arms like a small child. He changed into a rat upon contact but she still held him close to her face and she had soothed him with kind words and strokes.

They had all cried (even Shigure a little) saying how proud they were of him. That Yuki had finally found the part of himself he had been forced to hide all this time. Even Kyo had been a little relieved to see Yuki be honest and had even lightened up on the temper.

Eventually he heard approaching footsteps meaning he was expecting company. However, he knew from instinct who it would be by scent and aura alone. If he was honest he was glad it was him; he couldn't face the others yet as he needed head space.

"You feeling better?" Haru asked reluctantly. After Yuki came out he had called Hatori to tell him whom he knew would take it to his grave. He had been so happy to hear Yuki finally come out; but that did not necessarily mean his feelings would be returned.

However, he was glad that Yuki had finally come to terms with his sexuality. It took a lot of strength and courage to not only admit it to yourself but other people too. But Yuki had done it and they were all so proud of him.

There was the possibility that Akito may use it against him should she find out. But Haru would never let that happen; he would kill her before she even tried. He wasn't going to let her abuse Yuki any more than she already had in his life.

Yuki smiled and laughed awkwardly "Yeah. I hope I didn't worry miss Honda or yourself worried too much" he said apologetically. Tohru already had so much on her shoulders as it was. She didn't need an extra load on her shoulders which he was worried he may have dumped on her after coming out.

Not that he was ashamed by any means; or that she would be. But she may blame herself as to why he felt the need to hide it; if she had been trusted enough or done something wrong. Constantly worrying of what was going on with the people around her instead of herself.

Haru slowly sat down beside on the porch next to Yuki not saying a word. He sighed heavily and gazed at the moon above them. It truly was a beautiful night and so peaceful compared to their earlier situation.

It was funny how something as beautiful yet simple as the moon could bring out many emotions in humans. Be it romantic, peaceful, happy or sad; it brought out the secret hidden feelings of others.

The two teens sat beside one another quietly not saying a word. Simply enjoying the silence of the night and each other's company before the tension began to eat away at the young Ox.

He knew it may not be any of his business whatsoever but he had to know anyway. What if he had a love rival or Yuki didn't even feel the same way for him at all?! If he didn't ask it would only cause him to go black and most likely confront the poor rat.

He shifted awkwardly before he decided to speak his mind. "So…do you…I mean….is there anyone you have feelings for?" he asked curiously. He knew it was a long bet to hope that his feelings were mutual. There were a lot of other people Yuki was close to.

A lot of male classmates he may possibly have feelings for. He didn't have to be the one Yuki loved by any means he just wished he was. Though he could hope it didn't necessarily mean it would be so.

One of the hardest things about falling in love was the game you played in terms of how the other party felt. Whether they would confess to loving you too; or shoot you down cold and like someone else.

Yuki felt his cheeks heat as he thought of the boy he had harboured feelings for since before he could remember. Though it was funny he had only just accepted it to himself; yet he had felt this way for a long time but just denied it.

That person had been by his side all this time; though thick and thin, good and bad. Yet it had taken him this long to finally realize how much they meant to him. To know how precious they were and realize just how much they had put on the line for him.

He bowed his head shyly his bangs falling either side of his face hiding his face slightly. Though he tried to remain semi calm in case he was to transform due to stress. It truly was an inconvenience being the incarnation of the rat from the Chinese zodiac.

He had already done so earlier after coming out and Tohru held him. He was not really in the mood to do so again; as the time, in-between varied with every change. It also wasn't particularly warm out and he was wearing a blanket due to his bronchial tubes.

He swallowed hesitantly and bit his lip in an unintentionally cute manner "Y…Yeah. I've liked him for a long time but…I…I don't think he knows I've loved him all this time" Yuki explained awkwardly avoiding eye contact with the ox sat beside him.

Looking back, at the time he never thought those feelings would develop. He pushed himself away because he didn't feel he could deserve someone who loved him so purely. That he was a freak and that he should nide his heart and everything that he was from other people to protect himself.

He was always told by Akito that he would be hated and nobody would ever want him. To feel ashamed of what he was instead of trying to hope that anyone would see him otherwise. Over time he began to believe it and he gave up hope of ever finding anyone.

But that person helped him realize he was more than he was told as a child. He found that Akito had been wrong and had only been filling his head with fear and lies. So that she could keep him by her side as her amusement and pet instead of letting him be free.

That she had been abusing him to control him so he would never fight back. To keep him by her side so she could vent her own demons onto him in order to cope with her frail mental state. That everything he had been told by her was a lie.

Haru forced a smile on his face; there was no way in hell it could be him. Yuki had been turning him down since before he could remember. But still that light if hope shone in his heart and kept telling him not to give up.

"That person should feel lucky to receive your love. Hell, if they can accept your demons it a bonus" Haru laughed drily. One of the biggest reasons he loved Yuki was because despite the hell he had lived before all this; he still shone and looked beautiful. Because he was a strong human being.

Because he admitted he was weak and imperfect; that he was damaged and had demons. But he chose to rebel against Akito and move away from the main house and live with Akito. He defied others and chose to live the life he wanted instead of in fear; that took true courage.

Yuki scoffed at the comment somewhat stunned at how dense white Haru could be sometimes. Though he had to agree it was true; until he met Tohru he had never believed anyone would accept his dark past.

But he had found someone who knew of his demons and loved him anyway. Whom came into the darkness and brought light into his life. That said person who was sitting right beside him and had helped him more than he would ever know.

"So, who is it? The guy should feel pretty fucking lucky to have Prince Yuki falling for him" Haru joked. He knew Yuki hated that name but he used it during appropriate moments as a form of humor. I mean Yuki was far from being a prince but none of those damn fan girls would ever understand that.

Yuki's eyes became gentle and loving; thinking of his beloved in his mind. A gentle blush of happiness tinting his cheeks; Haru had never seen the young rat make such a face. It was like he was staring at a completely different person instead of Yuki as it did not seem at all real.

"He…he's always been close to me; he's always there whether or not I want him to be. He accepts my faults and my demons as they are. He stands by my side no matter what and is always there when I need them to be" he explained tenderly.

He never asked for him to be around; he just showed up out of nowhere as if by instinct. He was always hanging around and his entrance never failed to surprise. He saw his dark side and his problems and just looked past them seeing the person within.

He was always by his side when he needed him to be without having to be asked. He was naturally drawn to Yuki like a bee to a flower; but he was secretly happy by it. The fact that this person clung to him so much and didn't care about social norms or what other people thought.

Because he knew no matter what he could rely on that person and entrust them with his heart. That he would never leave him and would always be around and would never fail him and leave him disappointed.

Haru smiled sadly doing his best to hide the brewing storm within himself; the description matching Yuki's classmate Kakeru. While he knew the two were simply friends he had noticed a growing closeness between the two of them.

Kakeru teased Yuki and called him nicknames; but he saw Yuki's dark side and cared for all of him. The two fought from time to time but were undoubtedly made for each other and genuinely cared for one another.

Yuki then looked at Haru fondly his violet eyes beaming with love; his silver hair shining under the moonlight. Eventually he would have the courage to say how he felt. But for now, he was happy just being beside him.

Haru looked back at the young rat quietly in all his ethereal beauty under the moonlight his grey eyes intense but understanding. Even if it wasn't him Yuki loved he would still remain by his side till the end of time.

Yuki had been and still was his first love all these years later; the boy who made him realize he was more than the Ox stereotype. That he loved him because he made him feel like he was a better man; that he didn't have to hide whom he was from others.

That the stereotypes were just stereotypes; that he could be who he wanted to be. That he could be more than people said he was and he was capable of becoming it. rebelling against his parents ideology of always appearing perfect and looking the part; hiding their cracks and problems.

On top of that, Yuki was one of the few people capable of reasoning with him when he went black and that said a lot. Not many people could even approach him when he was in that state. All being too afraid of what would happen if they so much as breathed around him.

But Yuki was able to talk him out of his rage and even make him semi reasonable. However, he was never able to pull him out but when he got back to normal he was always understanding but told him not to keep his feelings bottled up so much as it didn't end well.

He would always love Yuki no matter what and nobody could make him feel otherwise. The love he felt for the young rat only grew stronger and time passed and hadn't faded all these years later. It had stayed strong like a small but slowly growing flame inside of him.

When he thought of his future involving marriage, family and happiness; he always thought of Yuki first. Attending college together, studying together and adopting kids together. Just the two of them achieving their dreams and living happily with love and understanding.

He would happily live his life with Yuki content doing whatever the young rat wanted. Being patient with him until he was ready to give himself to Haru physically. Only happy to have Yuki as his support while he remained loyal to the silver haired prince.

But it seemed that Yuki's heart seemingly belonged to another; as much as it hurt to think about. That person being Kakeru Manabe of the student council at their school. His playful, mischievous, teasing and charming personality seducing Yuki.

His boyish charms had broken Yuki's protective walls and warmed his heart. While Haru was undeniably jealous since he had loved Yuki from the start; since they were but kids. He knew Kakeru truly loved Yuki and would never hurt him.

" _Yuki. I want you to be happy, even if it not with me. You deserve everything. Even if I'm not the one to give it to you"._


End file.
